


I'm Broken, Aren't You?

by blue000jay



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Galra Keith (Voltron), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:26:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8166692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue000jay/pseuds/blue000jay
Summary: Keith can't understand and he almost doesn't want to. Everything hurts and aches, even his heart. But that's probably just from the rejection he knows is coming.





	1. 1

Keith swung his bayard around, blocking a laser and ducking behind a pillar.

“Lance, buddy, I need your backup!” He called into the comm and heard a noise of agreement, and then swung back around into the fight. He slashed and rolled, taking down another few soldiers. He ducked into another small corner where he could take a minute to breathe and shake his head, because god his ears were itchy. He must have left shampoo in his hair or something.

Keith rolled back out at Lance’s shout and grinned at his friend, not getting a chance to do much more than shout thanks over the comm. They worked in tangent for a while, until the soldiers were down. Keith took a moment and leaned against the wall, reaching up to pull his helmet off. His ears itched so bad.

The click and sound of Lance firing up his gun startled Keith and he swung around, bayard out. Lance jumped back and stared, open mouthed at Keith. Any usual taunts or jokes were lost in the confusion in his expression.

Keith gave Lance a confused glance.

“Kei- get away.” Lance said, voice shaking and Keith looked at him in confusion, eyes flickering between the gun and Lance’s face.

“Lance?” He asked, suddenly realizing Lance was aiming it at him, he never missed either, what was he doing? Keith reached up to itch his ear and Lance hefted the gun.

“Who are you?! What’d you do with Keith?” He demanded, and Keith froze, eyes widening.

  
“I- I, Lance, what the hell are you talking about, it’s me, put your gun awa- what the fuck??!” Keith slammed against the wall, helmet rolling away from his grasp. Lance stared at him, hands shaking and eyes terrified.

“… I need help, guys.” He said into his comm, voice scared and confused. Keith stared at the gun, the end pointed right towards Keith’s chest.

“… Lance?” He asked, suddenly scared out of his mind. Lance glanced towards him, and bit his lip.

“Guys. Now.” Lance said, not answering Keith and making Keith even more terrified. He reached up to itch at his ear again and as he let his hand down slowly, he saw it.

Purple fur under his fingernails and splotches along his fingers.

Purple. Galra purple. Keith raised his hand to study it, mouth falling open, and he looked at the fur, then felt at his ears. They felt fuzzy, and larger and more sensitive than normal. Keith felt a pang of terror run through his stomach and everything made sense. Lance, the purple, the gun.

The gun that was still pointed at him, and Lance, who was watching him carefully.

“Lance.” He whined, staring at his hand and then up at the blue paladin. “Lance, help me, what’s…. What’s going on, what do I look like, Lance, please!” He was blabbering, and Lance’s distrust grew on his face, then raised his shield up.

The surface was just reflective enough for Keith to see three things. One, the way his face was splotched with purple, like someone had thrown paint on him, two, the way his ears were growing fur, purple fur at that. Three. His eyes were glowing bright yellow. Keith stared for a moment, and glanced up at Lance.

“Lance, please, it’s me! It’ Keith! I don’t…. I don’t know what’s going on??!” He clawed at his face, fingers dragging down his cheeks. Lance grimaced and looked away.

“Come on, guys.” He said into the helmet and Keith heard muffled voices. He pressed his back into the cold metal, trying to calm down but failing. The gun was still at his chest. Lance took a breath and Keith met his eyes.

“Please, Lance.” He said softly, reaching out.

“I’m sorry.” Lance whispered, yanking his gun back to adjust the settings then aimed, and before Keith could react, fired.

—–

Everything ached.

His flesh, his bones, his very core ached and Keith wanted nothing more than for it to stop. It was too dark, his chest was too heavy, and everything hurt too much. He wanted to move, get it off, but his body wasn’t responding.

He tried to open his eyes and even then, he couldn’t do anything.

So he ached and ached and sat there in his mind, festering and crying and hoping desperately for it to end.

It ended.

But as Keith looked back on it, staying the the quiet, cold dark with the unbearable ache might have been better.

He first realized he could hear, well, stuff. It was little bits, flashes of conversations, mostly regarding him. It was Lance and Allura and Hunk and Pidge and Coran.

Never Shiro, for some reason.

He started…feeling, next. Feeling pain, mostly, and tightness around his legs and chest and arms, and the ache went away, but it was replaced with a sense of being out-of-place. Uncomfortable in his body. He wanted to shake it off, but he couldn’t move.

His sight came next and the first time he blinked open his eyes, the light hurt him so much he shut them as soon as he did. He felt tears rise up and he couldn’t stop them from spilling over his cheeks, and he gasped for air, then tried to move. He could, and yet, he couldn’t?

There was something holding him down, around his arms and legs, and after a few minutes he could open his eyes, despite the pain, and look down. Straps. Thick, heavy straps over him and holding him down and keeping him from moving.

He felt panic rise up in his throat like bile, and it grew and grew until he was bucking and writhing and trying to throw the things off, trying to tear them away and move. He wasn’t aware he’d been screaming until Allura and Coran rushed in, yelling at him and Keith screamed back, throat raw with fear and panic and confusion. Allura touched his arm and he flinched, pulling back because he could _feel_ her touch, feel every inch and it wasn’t _right_. Not for him. Allura yanked back and yelled at Coran, and then Lance burst in.

Keith met his eyes and realized he was crying, realizing tears were tickling his chin and nose and sides of his face, and Lance stared at him, fear and relief clear as day on his face. Keith yelled, voice cracking and broken and not right.

“Lance-” Someone pushed something into his arm and he was out like a light.

————

When he woke up for a second time, the lights were off and Keith could see better. The room was also empty, which was a plus.

There was still that feeling of wrongness, however.

Keith took a few deep breaths and shoved down his panic, taking the time to assess. He was still pinned, and he fought back panic for a few minutes, trying to breathe and relax more. Finally, he managed to crane his neck and look around.

It was a part of the med bay, one they never really used. He was on a table, and a lot of screens were dimmed around him, some showing charts and one a scan of his body. He stared at them for a while, but couldn’t understand the Altean.

He took a breath again and found an IV drip going into his arm, which he fought the urge to rip out. A soft whine grew in his throat and he experimentally tugged at the restraints. Nothing. They didn’t budge. He bit his lip and then winced, as blood beaded on his lip. Running his tongue over his teeth, he realized they were sharp. He shut his eyes and leaned his head back, smacking it on the table.

After a few minutes of silence, except for the beeping of machines, and the door hissed open. Keith kept his eyes shut and breathing steady, trying not to act awake.

The lights didn’t flick on, but someone sat next to him.

“…Hey, Keith.” It was Lance, and his voice was trembling.

“So, uh, you woke up a few hours ago. I don’t know if it was you or not, but, uh… I just miss you. I know I say that a lot, but I really do, I really, really miss you.” Lance inhaled sharply. “… You looked so scared. I wish I could help, but…. We don’t know what’s going on. It’s so scary, watching you sleep here. I had another nightmare.” Lance chuckled softly.

“You’re probably bored of me describing them, but this one was scarier. You woke up, but you weren’t…. You, anymore. And it was terrible and sucked and we tried to believe you were ok but…but you….. You pinned me against the wall and tried to… Tried to…” Lance’s voice broke.

“… I miss you.” He said quietly. “I don’t know if this is helping, but I hope it is.” Keith stayed as still as he dared, not wanting to alert Lance to his state. Had Lance talked to him? How long had he been out? What was wrong with him? All he could remember was…purple. Purple.

Lance was still talking.

“I just hope you’ll wake up soon.” Lance whispered, and Keith wanted to lunge up and ~~rip his throat out~~ hug him.

What?

“Bye, Keith.” Lance whispered, and the chair creaked. Lance was standing up, this was Keith’s last chance. Something warm was on his forehead, and Keith realized, Lance was kissing him. On the forehead.

“… I love you.” He muttered quietly, against his head.

Keith opened his eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something back, to tell Lance he loved him too, and Lance was staring at him with wide eyes.

His body betrayed him, and he lunged, straining against the restraints. He growled, like a wild animal and opened his mouth wide, baring his teeth. Lance scrambled backwards, and Keith wanted to scream that it wasn’t his fault, he wanted to yell and tell Lance he was so, so sorry, but all he could do was pull against the restraints and growl and spit.

Cautiously, Lance made his way to Keith side again, and watched Keith for a moment. They locked eyes once, and Keith tried to convey how helpless he truly was.


	2. 2

Keith tried to stay in control. He practiced while no one was there, clenching and unclenching his hands, talking out loud, trying to shift and squirm enough so he was comfortable. He caught a glimpse, once of what he looked like on the screens.

He was shocked and filled with hatred for himself. Galra features, glowing eyes, sharp teeth and nails, mottled purple skin and hair. It was all so wrong, so out of place in his body.

He never could shake the feeling of being out of place mentally too.

The next time someone came in it was Allura and Lance again, a few hours after Lance had come into the room and Keith had freaked, and an hour after he had seen the brief image on the med screen. They stood and watched him for a moment. Keith stared right back through slitted eyes and fought to not lash out. He was fine. He was in control. Lance moved, and Keith shut his eyes to listen to the two move around the room.

He could pinpoint them. It was scary, almost. He could hear every footstep and every breath, and almost locate them in the room. Allura was standing at the control desk and Lance was by his side.

“You ok, buddy?” Lance asked, and Keith kept his eyes shut. He slowly moved his mouth to form his words, talking slowly.

“Just peachy.” He gritted out, and he heard Lance huff. Keeping his eyes shut, Keith sucked in a breath. “How long have I-” He asked, voice getting a little steadier and it became a little easier to talk.

“Nine days.” Lance interrupted him, and Keith dug his sharpened nails into his palms. The quiet dark behind his eyes and the pain in his hands from his nails kept him grounded.

“Nine days.” Keith said, repeating. Lance said nothing, and Keith took the chance to ask, “Am I a monster, Lance?”

The silence was deafening. Even the soft sounds of Allura typing was gone.

“No.” Lance said after a terrifying moment. “No. Absolutely not. You’re not a monster, Keith, no, you’re just, Coran said it was in your genes you just, it was, I-” He was babbling, and Allura walked towards Keith, making him tense up. He forced himself to relax and he could hear the gentle pity in her voice.

“Keith, our scans….they showed us that, well, it was dormant. It’s been there all your life. The Galra genes, I mean. How, we don’t know yet but something caused it to trigger and-”

“So I am.” Keith said, and he felt suddenly resigned. This was why he was strapped down. This was why he had been knocked out, this was why Lance smelled like fear and anger and pity. This was why the room was empty of Shiro’s scent and why he couldn’t get a grip over his own emotions and action. Tears were burning in his eyes and he held back a laugh. He was trembling.

“Keith…” Allura said, and then sighed. “There’s nothing we can do. We’re just waiting for everything to settle properly now, and maybe we can do some tests. We could figure out something…” She trailed off and the silence was unbearable again.

“Just go.” Keith muttered after a minute. Allura began to try and talk again but Keith shook his head, lifting it to slam it down on the table angrily.

Allura gasped and Lance was deathly silent.

“Please.” Keith said, squeezing his eyes shut even more and the door swooshed open, a set of footsteps fading quickly. “…. Lance.” Keith said miserably. He heard Lance walk towards the door, but it didn’t open. In fact, the faint red light that meant it was locked flashed on Keith’s eyelids and then Lance came back to his side.

“I trust you.” Lance said, placing a hand by Keith’s and ignoring the way Keith recoiled. He started to fiddle with the strap and Keith went still.

“Lance, no, no don’t do that, I could hurt you, I- I don’t want to but I’m going to, Lance, please-” He begged, but Lance just kept undoing the strap and left it loose, loose enough for Keith to pull his arm out. He didn’t, deciding to stay as still as he could and barely even breathe. He could smell Lance again, fear spiking every inhale he took, but also determination and trust. He let himself get lost in it, in Lance for a minute and when he pulled himself away he realized all the bands were undone.

“You’re an idiot.” Keith choked out, fighting the urge to lunge up.

“I know.” Lance responded, sitting down somewhere.

“Put them back on.” Keith said, and Lance didn’t move.

“No, I trust you. Because you aren’t a monster, Keith.” Lance said, voice wobbly but dead set. Keith gritted his teeth.

“Have you seen me?” He asked, barking out a laugh and not moving an inch. Lance sighed.

“I’ve missed you, Keith, I came every day to talk to you and try and help.” He said, and Keith listened. “I’ve seen you every day and it doesn’t change my fucking opinion of you. You’re the toughest, bravest, most impulsive idiot I’ve ever seen and you’re amazing because of it, ok? A little bit of purple fluff and pointy teeth doesn’t change anything, not for me, not for anyone-”

“Don’t lie to me, Lance!” Keith yelled, opening his eyes for the first time the whole visit to stare intensely at Lance. “It changes everything! Shiro hasn’t had the guts to come see me, right? He’d flash back the minute he did. Allura is nervous around me, and she has good right to be! Coran too! The Galra killed everything they ever knew, Lance! Hunk and Pidge are going to be either scared or pitiful and I don’t want them to be either, I want it to be normal, but it’s not!”

They stared at each other, Lance not wavering in Keith’s glare. He was sitting on the floor, back against the wall next to Keith’s table thing, and Keith was looking down at him angrily, hands trembling and bottom lip bleeding from where he bit it.

“Not for me, then.” Lance said, face drawn. “Not for me. You’re still the same old dumb mullet boy that I was always jealous over, you’re still Keith, you’re still the Red Paladin. Red’s had her particle barrier up ever since we came back nine days ago with you, hasn’t let anyone in. Not even me and Blue together. She’s been worried fucking sick, I bet, and so I have I and Blue and the lions and the team.”

Keith gave in. He rolled off the table and launched at Lance, hands outstretched. His heart panged when Lance flinched and he shoved it away, focusing on sitting in between his legs and wrapping his arms around his friend and squeezing tightly. He buried his face into Lance’s shoulder, inhaling quietly and getting his shirt a little wet from the tears on his face. Lance’s hands hung limp for a moment, then hesitantly raised and began rubbing his back comfortingly. It was quiet, and Keith began silently crying again.

“I don’t want this, I don’t want it, it all feels so wrong, Lance, it’s not me, it’s not it’s not and it’s bad and awful.” Keith mumbled, and kept mumbling. Lance rocked back and forth a little and started saying his own mantra over Keith’s.

“It’s ok, I know, I know. I’m here. It’s gonna be ok. We’re gonna be ok. I’ve got you, I’m right here.” Lance cooed, all while rubbing Keith’s back and hugging him tight.

They stayed on the cool tile floor for a while, until Keith had cried himself out and Lance’s butt ached but neither of them moved then, either.

“I trust you.” Lance whispered, breaking their silence. “I told you I did, and I do.” Keith nearly broke down into tears again, and they sat in the quiet again. The lights dimmed after a while, on a timer and the light made the room seem almost dream-like. Lance hummed quietly and Keith wanted to lean up and kiss him, but he was scared of what would happen if he couldn’t…if he couldn’t……

Keith was scared to even move again at this point, but when someone started pounding at the door and shouting he jumped. They both scrambled to their feet and Lance ran to the door, hand over the unlock.

“Wait.” Keith whispered, terrified. The lights had flicked back on and Lance looked back, then at the table.

“Do you want…?” Lance asked, leaving the question open and then Keith thought back, and shook his head. He didn’t trust himself, yea, but the straps felt oppressive and crude.

“Don’t let them in.” Keith muttered, feeling incredibly, incredibly selfish. Lance glanced to the door, where someone was still pounding on it and yelling. It sounded like Coran and Hunk, and Allura too.

“We’re fine! One minute, please!” Lance yelled, and it was quiet, then the shouting started up again, with less banging.

“Go.” Keith said, sitting down and curling up in the corner. “I don’t want to see them and they don’t want to see me unless I’m tied down, right?” Lance looked hurt, and Keith immediately regretted saying that.

“Keith, no.” He said, going over and sitting next to him. “No, they’re just worried. I’ll go and explain, ok? Maybe we can go back to your room later? I’ve um, well, I’ve been sleeping in there the past few days, actually, so I hope you don’t mind and uh, woah-” Keith hugged Lance again mid sentence.

“‘S fine.” He muttered into Lance’s shirt, and then pulled back. “Go.”

Lance stood up, and started walking back to the door, but then turned around.

“Almost forgot.” He said, leaning down and tentatively gave Keith a kiss on the forehead. Keith felt himself flush red, and Lance gave him a shy little grin. “Tradition. Every time I go now you get a forehead kiss.” Keith spluttered, but Lance was already unlocking the door and sliding out, then shutting it again.

The room seemed a little colder and hostile by himself.


	3. 3

Keith's ears flicked in annoyance as Lance laughed, the sounder louder than he was used to.

 

Not that he minded, of course, he'd give anything to hear Lance laugh. The boy in question glanced over to him, still grinning. Keith smiled back.

 

"What's wrong?" Lance asked quietly, disengaging himself from the conversation, leaning over to place a hand on Keith's arm. His hand was warm. Keith glanced around at the other people at the table.

 

"I'm tired." Keith said softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out his eyes. The purple, while still new, didn't seem to bother him as much. "Just want to sleep." His eyes met Shiro's, who struggled for a moment to look away, but smiled nonetheless.

 

Everything had taken work. First, the hormones. Coran had explained that wanting to rip everything in front of him to shreds was normal, it was like a Galran puberty. Thank god it went away in a week or so. Second, everyone was very wary around him at times. It hurt. It hurt a lot, especially when he argued with Lance once and gave Shiro a panic attack. That hurt so bad, and no matter how much he apologized, and how many times Shiro accepted it, he beat himself up for it. 

 

Then there was the whole, taking care of a new body thing. Lights were too bright, sounds too loud, his hair needed a lot of washing (Lance readily agreed and helped). Looking in a mirror was an experience in itself. He barely recognized himself. Keith sucked in a breath, and tuned into the conversation again.

 

"That can be arranged." Lance said, squeezing gently and then leaning back in his chair. The other paladins hadn't stopped the conversation, but looked over as Lance yawned loudly and stretched. Keith sighed and rolled his eyes at the obvious dramatics.

 

"I have to put the resident baby to bed." Lance said loudly, and Keith 'heyed' in protest. Pidge laughed loud, and Allura chided Lance. "Aw comeon, that was funny." He retorted, and Keith stood, grabbing Lance's arm and yanking him up.

 

"The toddler and I are out." He said, and someone issued a low "buuurn" as they exited. 

 

"Dude." Lance said as Keith dragged him. "Dude, dude ow, ok, while I find the new strength thing mildly arousing, it kinda hurts-"

 

"Sorry." Keith said, immediately letting go and half dropping Lance. "I..." Forgot. He forgot. Dammit. Keith clenched his hands into fists and ignored the sting of his nails.

 

"Hey, no, it's cool." Lance said quietly, taking one fist into his hand. "It's fine. It happens." He leaned into Keith's side as they walked, and slowly, Keith relaxed into it. He was still getting _used_ to everything, all the dumb dangers and all the new care he had to put into himself. Lance grinned at him and when Keith looked over to ask why, pecked his lips.

 

"Gotcha." Lance said as Keith flushed. "Haha, even your blush is purple." He commented, and Keith laughed.

 

"Purple's the new human." He said, and Lance hit his arm lightly.

 

"Dude, no, that's my line to make you feel better." He said. Keith laughed, the sound mixing and echoing with their footsteps. 

 

"Well, it worked." He muttered, slowing as they came towards their door. He reached his hand out and pressed it to the keypad, the door sliding open with a smooth hiss. Lance stepped in after him. 

 

"Mm." Lance said, taking off his jacket and setting it on the chair. "Good." Keith smiled, and Lance raised an eyebrow.

 

"Why do you look so mischievous, you said you were tired." He said, cracking a grin himself.

 

"I think..." Keith racked his brain for the right word. Ah, there it was. "I think I'm happy."

 

Lance smiled.

 

"Good." He repeated, lunging forward and tackling Keith to the bed. "Happy is good."

 

"Happy is great." Keith said, wrapping his arms around Lance's neck and laughed, leaning up to kiss his cheek, then his nose, then his mouth.

 

"Happy is fantastic." Lance muttered, collapsing on top of Keith. "Now scooch over because I am tired too and I want to cuddle."

 

"I can't move if you're on top of me." Keith grinned, and Lance didn't reply, just shoved his hand into Keith's hand and began to rub gently. Keith blanked for a minute, then blinked, then sighed.

 

This part of him was very new, very strange, but also very nice.

 

He started purring quietly, chest rumbling. Lance laughed quietly, and then removed his hand, getting up. Keith groaned. 

 

"Scooch." Lance said, and Keith did, moving towards the wall. Lance slid behind him, yanking the covers off. Keith yawned. 

 

"Are we gonna change?" He asked, voice cracking a little as Lance started to rub his head again.

 

"We got distracted." Lance mumbled, and Keith sighed. He didn't really care anyways. 

 

"Mk." He rumbled, double toned due to the purrs. 

 

"Night, cat." Lance said, and Keith grinned lazily at him. 

 

"I love you." He muttered, and Lance grinned.

  
"I think you're high on dopamine." He said, and then pressed a kiss to Keith's head. "But I love you too."

 

Keith fell asleep still happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished it!!!!
> 
> im glad I did, and i wasn't up for angst soooo here's the happy ending


End file.
